How Your Partner And Doula Work Together During Birth
As a doula one of the main questions I am asked is: will my husband or partner still be able to support me if I hire a doula? My answer is always yes! As a doula I love it when I enter a labor and delivery room and the husband is present, ready, searching to support his wife in any way she desires. My role as the doula is not to replace the support person, but rather guide and encourage them. During labor and delivery I am looking to help the support person feel confident in what to do and valued.
What does this practically look like during labor?
This looks like many small things that build into a life changing difference.
Practically?
It looks like teaching a clueless yet willing husband how to do hip squeezes or counter pressure in just the right spot.
It looks like leaving to refill water bottles and gather snacks so a client can continue resting against her husband’s shoulder in between contractions.
It looks like leaving to get food for the support person so that the laboring mama can keep holding on to the hand she knows so well, the hand that feels like the only thing getting her through each contraction.
When delivery comes it means holding a leg so they can be praying in her ear and brushing her hair aside.
When the baby is born it means taking the pictures so the husband can focus his eyes directly on his wife and new baby, instead of through the lens of a camera.
And SO much more!
Whether your support is your husband, mother, sister, friend, anyone! Your doula should not take the place of them but rather guide them as they support and offer encouragement. Their presence and willingness is invaluable. So many times I have whispered to the husband, “Tell her you believe in her and that she is strong enough to get through this contraction.” I step back; he tells her he loves her and reminds her of how strong she is. Through those words, she musters up the strength to conquer the fierce contraction and has fuel to conquer the ones that follow.
The husband, mom, sister, they know our clients best! They know her at her strongest moments and at her weakest. The words they use to encourage our client are backed by a history of doing life together. This kind of encouragement can literally be the difference between a vaginal birth and a cesarean.
Having a doula can also unload stress from a husband’s shoulders! A few things that doulas do so your partner does not have to are:
Providing resources and answering questions in an unbiased manner
Helping guide when to head to the hospital
Asking for time to think and pray before making decisions about interventions
Knowing the ends and out of interventions and being able to explain the pros and cons when labor has gone on for hours
Doing hip squeezes and counter pressure
Advocating for your birth preferences like: wanting to push on hands and knees, delayed cord clamping specifics, placenta preferences, etc!
If my husband AND mom are at my birth will a doula still be useful?
I would say yes! A good doula loves to guide the husband and mom in how to support. They suggest things like: holding her hand, getting water, fixing her hair, holding a fan, and so much more! We are so excited to work together as a team to support our clients!
One thing that separates a doula from the support team is a doula is specifically trained to support during birth and in birth settings. Whether a client is giving birth in a hospital, at a birthing center, or at home, birth doulas are knowledgeable in each location. They are constantly watching and checking to ensure mama and baby are healthy, safe, and as comfortable as possible.
What are the doula watching and checking for?
I’m so glad you asked! A doula’s mind is always on high alert -especially in a hospital setting!
During Labor:
They are watching baby’s heart rate to see if you need to change positions
They are paying attention to your contraction pattern gauging whether rest or movement is more beneficial
They are watching your face to see the intensity of contraction in order to anticipate what would provide relief at certain times
They are checking to see if you are hot or cold in temperature and whether you need water or a snack
They check if you need to use the bathroom, suggest music to distract, and remind you have you have the freedom to move in whatever way feels natural
During Delivery:
Doula’s remind you that you can push in whatever position you would like!
They keep an eye on your bleeding and calculate in their mind whether or not they should remind providers of preferences if they are no longer applicable or beneficial
They listen to the doctor, midwife, or nurses to stay updated on your health and be able to explain and process everything after delivery
They make sure you get to keep your placenta, or, if you aren't keeping it but want to see what it looks like or get a picture, they make sure that happens before it is thrown away!
After Delivery:
They are watching to make sure you are steady and not feeling lightheaded
They make sure you eat something to keep up your strength
They help with the initial latch of breastfeeding
They are watching to make sure your preferences for baby are respected as much as possible
They anticipate when you will move to postpartum and begin to pack up personal items so family can continue bonding
A doula does a lot! Without a doula, most or all of these listed above would be the responsibility of your husband or partner. With a doula, your husband or support team is able to help and comfort, but also enjoy the miraculous moment of welcoming a child into this world! The presence, eyes, and voice of a doula unload the stressors of birth from a partner, giving them the freedom to be fully present both physically and mentally.
Having a partner present at the birth is crucial as well! They give a client permission to be vulnerable and lean into labor in a way that no doula, nurse, or provider can! They offer a deep sense of love, safety, and familiarity into a space that can feel scary or overwhelming. A husband’s gentle touch can spark oxytocin to encourage labor, ground a spiraling wife, and comfort an exhausted mother.
Having a doula does not lessen the impact and care of a partner. A doula simply brings freedom to a husband or partner to experience the birth alongside the client, without feeling pressure to have all the answers or do all the right things. A doula and partner are a team, working together to create the birth that is dreamed of and desired. The mother in labor is the center of it all.
Having your partner at your birth is essential.
Having your partner and doula at your birth? Transformative.
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Serving Families Throughout the Triad & Triangle of North Carolina
At Holistic Heritage Birth Services, we believe every family deserves compassionate, knowledgeable support throughout their birth experience. Our doulas serve families throughout Greensboro, Winston-Salem, Chapel Hill, Durham, Raleigh, and the surrounding areas of North Carolina.
Whether you are planning a hospital birth, birth center birth, or home birth, our team is here to walk alongside you and your support person—providing encouragement, education, comfort, and experienced birth support every step of the way.
Because you don’t have to choose between having your partner fully present and having a doula by your side. You can have both—and together, you make an incredible birth team.
If you’re expecting and wondering how doula support could fit into your birth plans, we would love to connect with you and learn more about your hopes for your birth.