Choosing Who Belongs in Your Birth Space: How Your Support Team Shapes Your Labor Experience
You’re having a baby—congratulations!
You may be stepping into a world that feels unfamiliar, but one of the most powerful choices you have is deciding whosurrounds you when the big day arrives. The people in your birth space play a vital role in your experience and your outcome.
Why Your Birth Team Matters
Your birth team may include your partner, doula, midwife or obstetrician, and in some cases, family or close friends. These people directly influence your physical, emotional, and hormonal environment during labor. Birth is an incredibly vulnerable time, and your body responds strongly to what—and who—is around you.
How People Affect the Labor Process
How safe, supported, and respected you feel becomes part of your lifelong memory of your birth. The right people make the experience empowering and peaceful. The wrong people can make it stressful, overwhelming, or even traumatic.
Supportive people help you feel:
Safe and at ease
Relaxed
Empowered
Confident
Respected
Birth Hormones Need Safety and Calm
Labor depends on hormones like oxytocin (the “love hormone”) and endorphins (your natural pain relief). But stress or fear can trigger adrenaline, which reduces oxytocin and can slow—or completely stall—labor.
Every sense you use in labor affects how you cope. For example, bright lights, loud conversations, beeping monitors, or an unsupportive family member can shift you into fight-or-flight mode. When that happens, contractions feel stronger and more difficult to manage.
Your Emotions Directly Influence Your Body
The energy each person brings into your birth space matters. Supportive people can:
Boost your confidence
Strengthen your sense of control
Reduce pain perception
Help you navigate decisions
But someone who is anxious, dismissive, or critical can have the opposite effect—putting your body into fight-or-flight.
Flight: Your body floods with adrenaline, redirecting oxygen to your limbs. This often feels like quick breathing, sweating, or a racing heart.
Fight: Your muscles tense, your shoulders rise, and your jaw clenches. When your body is tense, everything hurts more.
Real-Life Examples From the Birth Space:
I supported a mama at Women’s Cone Health in Greensboro. Her team included her husband, sister, and me as her doula—all fully supportive of her birth goals. At one point, an aunt stopped by to bring food and excitedly asked questions. Although well intentioned, this interruption broke the mama’s rhythm and caused her to tense up. I gently asked the aunt to step out so she could relax again and her labor immediately smoothed back into a calmer pattern.
Another client had her husband, mother-in-law, and mother present. Her mother was openly critical of her birth choices, which created tension and emotional distress. This environment made it nearly impossible for the laboring mama to feel safe, supported, or at ease.
These moments illustrate how even one person can change your entire emotional—and physical—experience of labor.
How to Choose the Right People for Your Birth
Birth is vulnerable. When deciding who belongs in your birth space (provider, partner, doula, family, etc.), consider whether they will:
Honor your boundaries and fully support your birth plan
Avoid projecting fear, pressure, or negativity
Stay calm in stressful moments
Advocate for your wishes
Avoid asking disruptive questions while you’re laboring
Help maintain a peaceful environment
Questions to Ask Yourself
Does my body relax or tense when they walk into the room?
Do they respect my decisions even if theirs differ?
Does their energy soothe me or overwhelm me?
When I’m vulnerable, do they comfort me or create tension?
Would they genuinely support the birth I want?
Would they help me move toward my goals during labor?
Do they love and support me in a healthy, uncomplicated way?
Try completing this sentence for each person you’re considering: “If this person wasn’t there, I would feel…”
If your answer is:
Relieved → They probably shouldn’t be there.
Unsafe → They definitely shouldn’t be there.
Supported, calm, or empowered → They may be a great fit!
You Deserve a Birth Team That Uplifts You
Labor is not only a biological process—it’s a major life event that will stay with you forever. The people you invite into that room should prioritize one thing above all: your emotional safety, your comfort, and your peace.
We are here for you! If you are delivering in the central North Carolina area (Greensboro, Burlington, Chapel Hill, Winston-Salem, Durham, or Raleigh) - we’d love to chat with you to see if our team is a good fit for your growing family! Reach out today to schedule your free, no-obligation consult with us.